Chio's Trickster Remixed [Part 2, Chapter 4 posted]

Since you wanted a review, I didn't think it would hurt to post one.

I am really enjoying your story.  The last battle scene was better than your last ones. I had a few suggestions based off your Odinea battle, but it seems like you were able to apply them even when I didn't mention them, which were the following:

1. Try to put more description into the battle.  Don't let the attack activations and executions move by too quickly.

At first, in my point of view, there was little battle description in the Mega boss battles, although I DID see some, dont get me wrong, but in this battle versus Karan and Kitasen I see you were able to slow the action down a little and and add the description.  Good move, since that's what draws me to an action fanfic, the battle description.
 

2. Instead of just signaling the execution of the attack and the fact that the technique landed, describe HOW the user activated/executed the move.

That was how I visualised the last boss battles in a sense.  Just activate and execute the attack.  Like I said, this was my point of view.  The good news was that the HOW of the attacks was also seen in the previous battle, especially with the sneak up on Karan and the Double Shot of Kitasen on the legs.  It adds an amount of realism to tell where attacks landed on, because you can have a better understanding if the hit was soft, medium, hard, or dangerous.

So those where my two main suggestions in this review, but it seems that your going down that road already.  I hope to see more of your story.

On another note, I know that you have added a lot of characters, but is there any chance that you can add a Level 74/TM lv 58 Cardmaster racoon, who mysteriously has Flux Capacitor, into the mix?  If so, Ill send more details about him later on.

Well thats all to this review, see you later!

By the way, in the off topic section, can you post non trickster related fanfics?  Just wondering.

chio no sneaky? D: *bites* where is me n my twin? jkjk go on with the story i wan more :D

@DefenderDude: I will try to work on those. Thanks for the comments. However about non-Trickster related fanfic, i'm not sure what to write about xD. Also if you want me to include your character perhaps on the next part of the story, after this Karan part.

@tly: Nope, no sneak preview ;D

 

 

[Chapter 13 - Karan's Past]

After the incident at Ghost Blue, everything else seemed normal for the next few days. Research groups were surveying the room beyond the Whirlpool of Agony and the Vampire Castle. However, there were sightings of a giant tower a little beyond Blooming Cora. Several group of researchers were dispatched to the tower, but none of them returned.

After a while, Radiant gathered everyone, to brief them on everything thay have found out. "We've found out the history of Karan and found some interesting stuff."

"Tell us," Chio said impatiently.

"I intend to," Radiant replied, then he told the story...

Karan was bored into the royal family, and was to take over the throne when he reached eighteen. Since he was to take over the throne, he was refrained to leave the castle. Hence he always explore the castle. One day, he came across a secret room, with a lot of coffins in the dungeons beneath. Being more curious than afraid, he opened them. They were empty. Suddenly, he heard the fluttering of wings. Then out of no where, someone appeared behind him. That person, or thing, obviously was Count Blood. Being a weak and frail boy, he didn't know how to react and froze there. Taking the chance, Count Blood bit him on the next. Then, Blood said,"Now you shall carry on my curse!" And with that, Count Blood disappeared.

Karan was found unconsious the next day by the palace guards. The guards reported that to the King and Queen, and another weird fact. The number of coffins in the room had gone up by one.

For the next several years, Karan's curse was subdued by Priests from around the world. Noone was allowed to speak of this. However, at the age of eighteen, Karan ran away from the castle, and wasn't seen again. The King and Queen announced that he passed away due to a sickness. Karan roamed the world when he met La Vida. La Vida had the ability to supress the vampiric desire Karan will have frequently. Thinking that would be the bestfor him, Karan accepted her invitating aboard her ship. La Vida then taught him some gunner skills. He picked it up quickly and mastered it within months. He then embarked a journey with La Vida as a pirate. However, an unforunate incident at sea capsized and kill all the crew on board.

But, there was a group of people, who practiced the dark arts and manage to revive both Karan and La Vida, but the skill they used wasn't perfect. La Vida was brought back as a ghost, but she is visible to humans. Karan was brought back but the dark art that was used seperated his body into two individuals. One as a pirate and another as his vampire self. The vampiric self went back to the castle dungeons, and was sealed there by priests. While the pirate self, was sealed in the room past the Whirlpool of Agony.

He was released from the sealed room only recently, by a human. And now Karan is trying to reclaim his throne and to be the king of this world.

"... And that's what we have manage to find out so far." Radiant added. "But we found two chests at the castle dungeon where Count Blood is found, and a chest in the room past the Whirlpool of Agony."

Radiant opened the chest. Inside 2 of them was the same things. A sword, a shield and a hat that looks like a bat's wings. Both sets of equipments looked really old but were still sturdy and were suitable for combat. In the third chest, there was a pirate hat, a gun and an eyepatch. The gun also looked really old, but like the other set of equipments, it was still suitable for combat. However, the gun's design looks a lot like the one Karan was using. Chio took one set of the equipments and wielded it. Aurora took the other set and Tykro, being the only gunner, took the set with the gun. The new weapons were stonger than their own, hence they decided to use it to fight Karan, Kitasen and Kitsune.

"I believe Karan now resides at the tower beyond Blooming Cora." Radiant said. "But this time, I'm going along with you all. Let's go now!"

"Roger!" everyone exclaimed in unison.

Hence, the group consisting of, Chio, Aurora, Liange, Bakaeep, Tykro, Soul, Rwinna, HornedBull, Veraca, Tuvis and Radiant headed out for the final battle.

New chapter.  Nice.  Karan´s backstory was well done and unique.  Very interesting.  Cant wait for more.

 

Thanks for accepting my char in a sense, if you need any info on his personality, give me a PM or reply.

 

Third, I didnt actually mean if you could write not trickster related fanfiction.  What I meant was if I could write non trickster related fanfiction in the off topic section of the forum.  If I can, all of you can expect good things from me in the future besides my trickster fanfic.  Good night to all.

Its such a good story ! ^3^

it was enjoyable reading these! update update update! :DD

chio today's new story?? XD jkjk take ur time i still wan sneakys though

XD gogogo... i noe u training ur fox but i wan story too :3

Yup, training fox =P

 

[Chapter 14 - Separation]

After a while, the group reached the tower. It was spectacular. It was so tall than i wasn't possible to guage how many levels there were. They entered the tower. To their surprise, the floors in the interior were transparent, like glass. Occasionally there were holes all around. Tykro shot a bullet down, but they didn't hear any impact at all. It shows how deep it really is, and if someone were to fall, it will be over.

They ran up to the fifth floor and were confronted by Kitsune and Kitasen. They immediatly started attack the group. Kitasen again, held to the magical scroll and had an even stronger evil aura around him. Kitsune also held onto one. Kitasen casted an Arrow Rush at the group, but instead of white, the magical arrows were black, filled with the evil aura. When ever they dodge the attacks, the arrows will hit the floor, causing cracks. The longer the battle drags on, the more dangerous. Kitsune's mines gives of black smoke and fire whenever it blows up.

"You guys go on ahead." Tuvis said. "The few of us will be more than enough to defeat them."

"Yeah," Radiant agreed. "Chio, Aurora, Liange, Bakaeep and Tykro, you guys go on and face Karan and whatever he dishes out!"

"I won't let you pass!" Kitasen shouted, and casted a Gravity Crush.

"Searing Light!"

Radiant casted it at Kitasen. Kitasen got distracted by the Searing Light and mis-aimed his Gravity Crush. Just as his Gravity Crush hit the floor, Chio and the rest reached the stairs to the sixth floor. From the power of the Gravity Crush, it shattered the floor of the whole level, that everyone then fell back down to the fouth level.

Soul, Rwinna and Veraca surrounded Kitsune and Tuvis, HornedBull and Radiant cornered Kitasen.

Soul, Rwinna and Kitsune, all being a Thief Master, have very fast movement. They would dash up and their knives and daggers would clash. Kitsune was so skillful that she was able to wield a sword in each hand, while still using a shield. After a few clashes, Kitsune remained uninjured due to the black aura around her. However Soul and Rwinna had cuts on there arms and legs. Even some of their clothes have slash marks. Veraca took over and send a volley of Card Strike and One Pair at Kitsune. She threw and ran up to Kitsune at teh same time. Soul and Rwinna ran beside her to back her up. When she got near Kitune, Veraca executed a Volley Kick. While upside down, she noticed the aura around Kitsune's legs wasn't as much at her upper body. She immediatly used a Power Blow.

That Power Blow weakened Kitsune's legs and she went down on one knee. Soul and Rwinna took the chance and threw a mine each at her legs before retreating back with Veraca. The landed as a safe distance and detonanted the mines. To their surprise, Kitsune had already burried some mines around Veraca , Soul and Rwinna. She detonated it at the same time. When the smoke cleared, Veraca and her group were panting heavily, while Kitsune was still on one knee, but wasn't as injured.

Meanwhile, Kitasen started attacking Tuvis's group. He used Dark Lance on each of them but were easily dodged. Kitasen's Dark Lance created a lot of cracks that he finally broke half of the level, and he, along with Tuvis's group fell to the third floor. Tuvis and HornedBull ran up towards to Kitasen and started attacking. They both have amazing attaking speed, that their actions were a blur. However, the aura around Kitasen kept him safe. Suddenly, Kitasen casted an Arrow Rush on each of them. The impact of the arrows almost broke through their shield. One Arrow Rush even took down Radiant's Shield of Heaven.

Both HornedBull and Tuvis ran around Kitasen and kept using Piercing Wave and Tidal Slash at Kitasen. When they concentrated all their attacks on one spot, it created an opening in the Aura, and Tuvis slashed Kitasen's arm. It was followed up by Light Wave. HornedBull attacked the opening again, and as a result, severed Kitasen's right arm. Kitasen fell to his knees, screaming in pain.

Back at Veraca's group on the fouth level, Kitsune took out a few shurikens. Kitasen threw the whole bunch of shurikens at Veraca and her group. From the power of the aura, it increased the sharpness and speed of the shurikens. It broke through their shields and cut them in the shoulder. The aura acted like a poison and numbed their hand. Both Soul and Rwinna charged up Sixth Sense and Precise Pitch. And using the other good arm, the threw out shurikens in hopes of resisting her dark powers. Both of them used Fan of Knives, but only did minimal damage. Finally, Veraca used Evolution and attacked Kitsune furiously and knock her off to the thired floor. Kitsune landed beside Kitasen.

Both Kitasen and Kitsune then took out their dark scrolls, and chanted an inchantation together. The aura exploded and everyone fell to the second floor. Kitasen then casted a Gravity Crush and Kitsune threw out mines at the group. The Gravity Crush hit its mark and so did the mines. By struggling against the force of Gravity Crush, Radiant managed to cast an Hinder Snare on both Kitasen and Kitsune. This released the Gravity Crush and preventedd Kitsune from detonating her mines. Both of them were immobilized. Tuvis and HornedBull went up to them.

"This is where it ends,"HornedBull said.

"If only we could have been comrads instead,"  said Tuvis.

After that, Tuvis and HornedBull took out their Earth Attributed Sword and shouted together.

"Earth Quaker!"

They stick their swords into the grond breaking it, falling to the first floor, then that's when the effect took place. The ground beneath Kitasen and Kitsune broke off, causing them to fall into the depths of the bottomless abyss. When they fell, Radiant released his Hinder Snare, and Kitsune smirk, and detonated her mines. Thankfully, her mines didn't have as mush power and the floor only cracked. From the explosion, Rwinna, Soul and HornedBull was injured.

Hence they exited the tower, and waited for Chio's group to finish their job.

Meanwhile, Chio's group reached the twenty-first floor. And there, Karan waited.

"Welcome! Welcome to the Chaos Tower! The place where my throne will be, where i can watch over the world as it slowly becomes mine! Hahahaha!"

Nuuu I died. >.>;

[Edit] Spoilers =P

I've just spent the last half an hour reading this from start to current, and I have to say you're quite an amazing writer. You have a brilliant style of writing and your descriptiveness has grown from the first chapter to the 14th. Really well done. I will have to follow this closely to see how it goes ^^